Your Name in Lights

Hello my sweet babes,

It’s 7 am in Ho Chi Minh City, and I am currently watching the body of my favorite little girl rise and fall under a too warm blanket in a over-cooled apartment because I wanted to be cold today. Sorry, Seattle… I promise I would love to watch you sleep, but you are twenty-three pounds of tropical storm and I just picked up the living room from our 3 am playdate.

Photo on 1-6-15 at 4.59 PM #3

I have so many things running through my mind right now, some of them have to do with why the person who pinned the microwave scrambled egg recipe got my hopes way too high, and others have to do with you two. 🙂 When I was young I had big, big dreams. In sixth grade, I was convinced I would some day be the first female president. (So glad that didn’t work out… Obama has aged WAY too much during his time in office and my skin just wasn’t made for premature wrinkles.) Some time after that I decided I’d like to be an archeologist, because who doesn’t like digging in the dirt all day, am I right?! But my most recent, pre-marriage, pre-Jesus, pre-beautiful babies dream was to be a writer, a novelist. I wanted to move to some big city, get lost in a huge crowd, pick up some low-paying waitressing job, and write the greatest book since Jane Eyre. (Come on, Seattle… it’s not that mushy!)

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I remember being little and knowing that I could do absolutely anything that I really tried at, I still feel that way sometimes… so somewhere along the way I decided that if I was really going to try hard at something then it better the be biggest, funnest, most important something in the world. I am happy to report that I am doing just that. Being a mommy to you and a wife to your father was never in my “How I’ll Make It Big” plan, and honestly I have struggled, even since you two have been around, to feel like I’m doing something important. This morning, however, somewhere between making your daddy a cup of coffee and cleaning spit-up off my shoulder, I realized how big and fun and important the something I do is… and I want to try my hardest at it. I won’t do this thing halfway, guys… I promise you that now. It should be easy to completely love you guys and your sweet daddy because you just happen to be the most wonderful people on the planet, but I am so, so human and it is even more easy to get so consumed with myself, to want glamour and fame. I’m telling you this now because I know first-hand the joy that can be stolen when you put yourself above others… and I only want you two to be so full of joy that it’s coming out of your ears! I want you to keep in mind that sometimes the plan God has for you doesn’t come with inaugural addresses or book signings. What is more important than your name in lights is the love you have for the people around you. I’m not good at this yet, little loves. In fact, I’m only just beginning to learn what it looks like to lay myself down daily, but I do know that this morning is one of the happiest of my life, and I’m doing the same thing I’ve been doing for 18 and a half months.

I’m signing out now because my best boy just woke up. Let the party begin!

Dream big, children of mine. Love God, love people… and dream big.

I love you both so much,

Your Mama

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